Even More So
by Elle D'Elajoie
Summary: Everything could change because of Kurt's reflections on the bench outside the GAP during "Silly Love Songs".


Kurt's mind flashed back to lying back in bed eating pizza and Rachel and Mercedes telling him that he should definitely participate in the Warbler's GAP Attack and that he should scope out his competition. But his heart wasn't in this performance at all. He tried to feign interest, but by the second verse he was failing quite spectacularly. When Blaine sang about the "toys", Kurt's faced showed the shock he was feeling. He moved away from the group and stopped singing. He wished he had gone with his first instinct, which was to decline to participate.

The look on poor Jeremiah's face reminded him of a cornered animal. Scared, but unable to escape. He had been using his in-store mic. Was he asking for help? Was someone yelling at him? At this point, Jeremiah looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here, which is pretty much the way Kurt felt. He just wanted to get out of that store.

When he was sitting on the bench after they had left the store, Blaine asked him if it had been "too much". All he wanted to say was "YES!" But he was still torn because he had been so head over heels for Blaine that he was struggling to put both sides of the equation together.

His mind flashed back to the meeting on the stairs with Karofsky. Blaine nearly outed Karofsky on the stairs at school. Kurt had been too caught up in the fear and pain from being bullied to consider what had actually happened on the stairs that day. Karofsky had a very similar look on his face. Incredulity. He was trapped. He denied knowing what Kurt was talking about. He kept looking around. He tried to walk away. Blaine followed him. Just like he followed Jeremiah around the store. Following Blaine's "lead" meant that Kurt had participated in the near outing. No wonder he threatened Kurt. He had been nearly outed in school. Had it really been a death threat? Kurt was so caught up in the fear from the constant bullying that he never considered that Karofsky might have been more afraid of being outed than Kurt was of him.

That was twice in less than four months that Blaine had nearly outed or actually outed someone. Now, Jeremiah had lost his job. Blaine didn't even seem sorry about it. He was disappointed that he had been turned down. He wasn't upset about what he had done to Jeremiah. Just like he wasn't upset about what he had done to Karofsky. Kurt's stomach was rolling. He felt like was going to be sick. Kurt had encouraged Blaine. He told him to "man up" and go through with the serenade when Blaine had considered calling it off.

Blaine was cute and out and gay, but he didn't take other people's feelings into consideration at all. All that time he thought Blaine liked him and Blaine was just being Blaine - focusing on himself - never thinking how his actions affected Karofsky or Jeremiah or Kurt. And Kurt allowed Blaine's charm to blind him to that fact. Kurt should have learned his lesson the first time.

It was time to move on. He wasn't even sure if he could remain friends with Blaine. He needed a clean break. He didn't think that he could be around his charm and outgoing personality without being drawn back in. He would need to turn down coffee dates unless other people went along. No more alone time with him. He couldn't trust himself to make wise decisions when Blaine was involved.

Kurt had no way of contacting Jeremiah to apologize to him since he didn't know his last name and he wouldn't be at the GAP anymore, but he could go into the GAP and apologize to the manager for causing a disruption.

He needed to apologize to David - to apologize for bringing an outsider into the situation. Rather than diffusing the situation, Blaine had escalated it to the point of seriously freaking David out. Kurt knew better than anyone how hard it would be on a gay jock at McKinley. Kurt knew so little about David's family. Maybe his family would disown him. It happened a lot.

Kurt made his decision. He was going to find a way to meet up with David. He would apologize for involving Blaine and for his own role in confronting David on the stairs. David was just scared, maybe even more so than Kurt had been.


End file.
